Rankings | Lachie Graham's Chocolate Milk Reviews

Hall of Fame

These are the best of the best

My all-time favourite. Unfortunately discontinued. Sold 2022-ish.

Brownes Dairy
'Gold'

There are two chocolate milks in New Zealand that are debated to be 'the best'. I don't remember trying the other one (Lewis Road Creamery), so this one is my winner.

Puhoi Valley
'Real Chocolate'

Not much to say they just nailed this one.

OAK
'Chocolate'

A special edition for Christmas 2022, rereleased a year later with normal packaging. Discontinued in 2024. The colder it was, the better it tasted.

OAK
'Choc Mint'

A bit different taste and texture wise to OAK, but just as good. Slightly harder to find though.

Norco
'Chocolate'

Found this one at a Woolies in rural Victoria. Only 2 ingredients: milk, and Belgian chocolate. A little lacking in the strength department, but man did it taste good.

Bethune Lane Dairy
'Belgian Chocolate + Milk'

As far as I can tell this tastes identical to the one with lactose in it. And no, I haven't tried them side-by-side. Yet.

OAK
'Lactose Free Chocolate'

Good

These get my seal of approval. They're good. I recommend them.

This one is very close to being Hall of Fame tier. It's really good. You should try it.

Pauls
'Zymil Chocolate'

Nedd makes a good milk. A little expensive compared to others, and doesn't go on special that often. Very rich and creamy, almost a dark chocolate flavour.

Nedd's
'Choccy Milk'

Seems to only be available in QLD. Doesn't really taste like like, just kind of tastes like sweetened milk. Probably not likely to be everyones favourite.

Breaka
'Lime'

Decent as far as vanilla flavoured milks go. Taste isn't perfect, probably because of the whole "healthy" thing, but it's good.

Rokeby
'Vanilla Wafer'

I'm always surprised by how good this one is. I expect it to taste cheap, but nah it's good.

Big M
'Original Chocolate'

Tastes like a banana lolly, but sligtly toned down. Very nice. Doesn't feel like they had to sacrifice on the flavour to make it healthy. I'll probably stick to chocolate though.

Pauls
'Plus+ Protein Banana & Honey'

I don't know why this one is so much better than the normal Rokeby Chocolate, but it is.

Rokeby
'Choc Honeycomb'

The best strawberry flavoured milk.

Dairy Farmers
'Classic Strawberry'

Salty.
Which is weird at first, but you get used to it. I like.

OAK
'PLUS Salted Caramel'

I'm a big fan of milkybar chocolate, so a little dissapointed this isn't ranking higher. Flavour is fine, just not strong enough.

OAK
'Milkybar'

The best chocolate milk I found in Hawaii. Wish it were full cream milk. Why do they always have to be healthy man.

Darigold
'Old Fashioned Chocolate'

Somehow this one is better that the OAK PLUS chocolate and the normal OAK vanilla. I just don't understand.

OAK
'PLUS Vanilla'

The right amount of sweetness, and a good strawberry flavour. This is how it should be done.

Breaka
'Strawberry'

Singapore's best normal chocolate.

Magnolia
'Chocolate'

There's the faintest taste of honey that I get every third sip or so, but for the most part this is just banana flavoured. Tastes like a banana lolly. No complaints.

Dairy Farmers
'Protein Smoothie + Banana Honey'

The thing with cookies and cream icecream is that it's just a cream flavoured icecream with cookie pieces. You can't get that same effect in a chocolate milk. So you're left with a cream flavoured milk.

Magnolia
'Cookies & Cream'

Discontinued. Was pretty good.

OAK
'Violet Crumble'

Supposedly strawberry and raspberry but I can't pick out those individual flavours. Doesn't taste particularly artificial/synthetic which is nice. Will make you feel like you're being healthy.

Dairy Farmers
'Protein Smoothie + Mixed Berry'

Tastes like a banana lolly. Pretty strong, not much wrong with it.

OAK
'Banana'

A weird one. Tasted good though. But yeah, weird.

Dairy Farmers
'Classic Creaming Soda'

"Surprisingly tastes exactly like the rainbow paddle pop. Tastes good." - a text I sent to my brother

OAK
'Paddle Pop Rainbow'

The brand is called Famous how weird is that. Does your kid need a protein shake? Probably not! This mostly tastes good. Mostly.
Also the ingredients list is too long.

Famous
'Kids Protein Shake - Chocolate'

Tasted like a milkshake. Like the kind of thing you'd get from a cafe. Pretty cool.

Breaka
'Chupa Chups Choco & Vanilla'

Tastes like milk + cocoa powder + sugar. And you might say "isn't that what all chocolate milks taste like?"
No. Just this one.

Great Ocean Road
'Chocolate'

Only available around QLD I believe. Tastes like a banana lolly, a little weaker than OAK's banana milk. Still good.

Breaka
'Banana'

Some kind of chocolate + caramel. Strong flavour which is good. I get a slight alcohol-like flavour as an aftertaste. Not sure why.

OAK
'Rolo'

Cocoa flavour, not particularly sweet which is refreshing for a drink targeted at children. For some reason the word “smokey” comes to mind to describe the flavour.

Pauls
'Bluey Chocolate'

Mid

I would only buy these if the good ones are sold out. They're not necessarily bad, just not very good.

Very sweet but not very chocolatey. Like imagine theres dark chocolate, milk chocolate, and then "light" chocolate. This would be light chocolate. Addictive taste though, you would like it.

Breaka
'Chocolate'

Very close to being good, but has this weird synthetic taste to it.

OAK
'Strawberry'

All of these "no added sugar" milks really need to try adding sugar. It'll make them taste so much better!

OAK
'PLUS Chocolate'

Kind of tastes like the chocolate up&go. If you like those you'll like this.
Also what the hell is a prebiotic and why did they put them in here.

Dairy Farmers
'Protein Smoothie + Chocolate'

Just not a good chocolate flavour. Go for the other Rokeby's.

Rokeby
'Dutch Chocolate'

Decent. Could use a little bit more sweetness. Only ranked this low because of how good the competition is.

Dairy Farmers
'Classic Chocolate'

Probably my least favourite OAK. Not a trace of vanilla flavour in this.

OAK
'Vanilla Malt'

A little confused as to why this is lactose free when you'd think kids are typically best equipped to handle lactose but whatever. This would be fine if it weren't for the random kick of sweetness you get after each sip.

Norco + Minecraft
'Choc Charger'

Very artificial tasting strawberry flavour with an emphasis on the sweetness. Not bad but I'm not going to buy it again.

Norco + Minecraft
'Strawberry Slam'

This one is actually the best of the Minecraft milks. Lime flavoured milk slaps but you can never find it because I guess it sells poorly. Stop being afraid of green milk, people.

Norco + Minecraft
'Lime Lightning'

Kind of a weak fake caramel flavour. Alright opening but pretty bad aftertaste. Probably the worst of the Minecraft milks.

Norco + Minecraft
'Caramel Chug'

Strong salt, weak caramel. They should remove popcorn from the name because there's no taste of popcorn. Rated 7/10 but wouldn't buy again.

Big M
'Salted Caramel Popcorn'

Found in Hawaii. Tastes too healty.

Darigold
'Chocolate'

Kinda tastes like a zooper dooper. Not very strong.

Big M
'Blue Heaven'

"Is alright. Tastes sorta like a lolly." - brother Jacob

Aeroplane
'Mango Jelly'

This does a good job of replicating the ice cream's flavour, but mango flavoured milk is weird. This is weird. It's done pretty well though.

Breaka + Weis
'Mango & Cream'

I like it but it's a bit weird. Probably needs more chocolate flavour because at the moment it's mostly malt.

Big M
'Maltesers'

Surprising tastes exactly like splice. But I don't think milk should taste like an iceblock.

OAK
'Splice Pine Lime'

If this was marketed as a mystery flavour, theres a 0% chance you'd get it right. No strong chocolate or caramel flavours or anything that would make you think of a Mars bar.

Big M
'Mars'

Probably the worst of the protein milks. Has a really nice aftertaste though so it'll make you think it tasted good after you finish it.

Pauls
'Plus+ Protein Chocolate'

Found at Woolies, imported from Vietnam I believe. Milk powder + water based, which I don't like. Really close to ranking this lower but the taste was fine. Just hated the texture.

Beanstalk
'Iced Chocolate'

Hall of Shame

I do not recommend these at all.

Found in Hawaii. Looks really unappetizing in person too - I was super hesitant to buy it. It's a milk powder + water drink, which immediately I'm less likely to enjoy. And enjoy it I did not.

yoohoo
'Chocolate Drink'

Found at Woolies in Canberra. 5 health star rating!!! It tasted horrible. But 5 health star rating!!! Was expensive too.

Hello Sunshine Dairy
'Chocolate'

Ranking courtesy of brother Jacob. He rated it a 1/10 and told me not to try it. I trust his judgement. I didn't try it.

Dairy Farmers
'Classic Banana Split'

Tasted weird.

Aeroplane
'Lemon Jelly'

Sold 2021-22. Try to imagine bubblegum flavoured milk. Pineapple flavoured milk.
I hope they fired whoever came up with these. Really, really bad.

Zooper Dooper
'Raspberry/Bubblegum/Pineapple Flavoured Milk'

Tastes like an UP&GO but stronger. That's not a good thing. Also why does this contain gluten. I wasn't planning on popping it in the oven at 180 degrees for 20-30 minutes or until golden brown. Ridiculous.

UP&GO
'Protein Energize Choc Hit'